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Many experts in the filed of child development
have stated that a child's character is formed witin the first five
years of their life. Self esteem is one of the most important factors
of a child's character. Below is a series of short and informative
articles, covering Communication, Praising,
Disciplining, Respect.
Through these informative articles, Kimberly
Peaks helps parents protect a vital part of their child's character,
self esteem.
Communication
Listening, Responding, Non Verbal Communication
We all have the ability to communicate, but not
everyone masters the skill of effective communication. Communicating
effectively means the person receiving the data understands the
point being made by the communicator. Children are constantly communicating
with us. However, there are lots of other outside stimuli happening
also.
One of the first things we must do is Listen,
really listen. This gives the child a sense that you care and what
he or she is saying is important. The proper way to listen is to
put a pause on your thoughts and allow the child to complete his
thought process. This sounds easy but its something that is not
done automatically and children know when they don't have your undivided
attention. Because children talk often and we don't have every minute
free its not possible to give them our undivided attention all the
time. Therefore, if you don't have the time to really Listen
at the moment tell them to give you a moment to finish and then
they can tell you what's on their minds. Once you have heard and
understand what the child has communicated then you Respond.
Here is your chance to let the child know how important that idea
is, whatever it may be. If it is a question, you now have a chance
to educate, if it is a revelation you get to tell the child how
creative his mind is.
This is building a child's self esteem.
Self esteem is very fragile in children.
Therefore we must help build the self esteem, give it strength. Non Verbal Communication is an
excellent way of accomplishing this task. Giving your child a hug is simple
and easy. It feels good to them and to you. Giving them a hug consistently
strengthens their self esteem. Every night before bed, each morning
(whether its before breakfast or as you drop them off at school)
will become a pattern and one the child can depend on. Gently kissing
or rubbing an ouchie is a way of showing love and concern to a child.
It gives them a sense of security, which again, strengthens their
self esteem.
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Praising
Reassurance, Acknowledge, Recognize Effort
When children are learning to ride a bike for
the first time, they're not sure if they are doing it right and
their confidence level is low. We can compare this scenario with
everything a child does for the first, second or third time. They
are not sure and look to the adult for Reassurance. You often
hear "look" or "mommy, daddy, see what I did?"
It is a big deal to them, a sense of accomplishment. At that moment
we need to Acknowledge whatever it is and praise them for
the accomplishment. This helps to build their self esteem. Sometimes
the task may be a bit difficult and frustration sets in. This is
when its good to intervene and let them know this is a challenge,
ask if you could be of help and Praise them for their Effort.
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Disciplining
Instruction, Control, Punishment, Disciplining
with Love, Chance to Teach
DISCIPLING is a very crucial part of raising our
children. They are not bom
with a built-in mechanism that tells them how to behave. We must
teach them. The meaning of discipline is Instruction, a subject
that is taught, training that corrects, molds or perfects the mental
faculties or moral character. A child must leam to control their
behavior. Control is gained by enforcing obedience or order.
When we do a good job with this aspect of training it leads to our
children having self control, which is our goal.
Talking with our children on the subject of proper
behavior is the ideal approach and maybe there is a child or two
who needs only the talk. However, the average child will test how
far they can go in doing whatever they want to do. This is where
the next tool, Punishment, is needed. There are various types
of disciplinary actions that we can use. However, the chosen method
should never tamper with a child's self esteem. Giving Discipline
needs to go hand in hand with Love.
Administer discipline with a loving hand. First
give the child an opportunity to stop the negative behavior. Your
first warning may be all that is needed. Explain the consequence
if it happens again. If the behavior involves another person (sibling,
friend, etc.) have them to apologize. Give the child time to come
out of the bad feeling associated with disciplining, then interact
with the child lovingly. This helps them to feel okay.
Disciplining is a perfect opportunity for
teaching. Explain to the child how bad behavior can be harmful. This teaches compassion. We all have
good in us, it has to be tapped. The child will begin to think how
their action will affect others.
Look at the child's situation
at the time of negative behavior. Is he hungry? Is she tired? Is
there something or someone that triggered this negative behavior?
Investigate and help him to understand so that he or she
can have an opportunity to correct their behavior. Give them suggestions
on how to better handle their anger, frustration or whatever reason
behind this negative behavior.
This sounds like a lot to do on your part and it is more time consuming
than an Automatic Spanking or Yelling, both of which
destroys self esteem. The parent needs to judge the severity of
a child's negative behavior. There are times that we should be more
stern, which can include a swat (one, no more than two swats should
be enough) and should be administered sparingly. This is a controversial
form of disciplining and there are parents and child development
specialists who don't believe in swats at all. That's fine, however
these parents need to have an alternative method that works when
a child's behavior warrants a more stem form of punishment. This
affirms the authority that a parent needs to have with children.
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Respect
Respect and Esteem Intertwined, Please and Thank
You, Siblings, Interaction
Respect - if we could all master the meaning
of this word, the world would be a much better place to live.
Webster's definition of this word is regard, consideration,
concern, heed, care. The quality or state of being Esteemed.
Webster defines esteem as worth, value, regard: approval and respect
often blended with fondness because of worthy qualities.
These two words, Respect and Esteem
are Intertwined. If we do a good job on building and protecting our children's self esteem then
they grow to become respectable adults. The sooner we start giving
and receiving respect the better at it we'll be.
The best time to start is during the toddler stage.
Two of the most respectful words are Please and Thank
You. Yes, we have authority over our little ones and that should
be the case. But imagine asking the child to do something with a
please attached versus giving a command. "Will you get down
off the table please? Versus "get down off that table!"
However, with the question approach it has to be said in a way that
doesn't give the toddler a choice. Once she gets down, say thank
you. There are many opportunities to be polite when communicating
with children. In turn they are learning how to be respectful.
Another opportunity of teaching respect is through
the Interaction of
Siblings. Left unsupervised, siblings will have a field day
with disrespecting one another. From the beginning, rules need to be
established in how siblings are to treat one another and this must
be monitored to make sure it becomes habit.
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